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Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
make your reaction to things something
00:02
somebody wants to experience i don’t
00:04
think your power
00:06
is in having sex with a man your power
00:09
is in what you do afterwards having
00:11
standards is confidence
00:13
knowing how to communicate them is
00:15
competence manage your energy because
00:17
you don’t have unlimited energy
00:24
the first two weeks of attraction are
00:26
really really important because if we
00:29
don’t make a great impression there
00:31
no one cares how great we’re going to be
00:34
in week four or month six so here are
00:37
four things you can do to hook somebody
00:39
in the first two weeks number one
00:42
have a real dates only policy it is
00:46
quite common these days as you know for
00:48
a guy to attempt the netflix and chill
00:50
date before he’s earned it so when a guy
00:53
says to you hey do you want to come over
00:55
later tonight we can order in and
00:56
snuggle what i want you to send him is
00:59
as much as i like a snuggle i prefer to
01:01
get out into the world with someone
01:03
first keeps it interesting number two
01:06
buy the popcorn look i don’t know if you
01:09
think it’s a guy’s job to pay for the
01:11
day or not but even if you do there is
01:13
an awful mistake that so many people
01:16
make that relates to what i talk about
01:18
here let me tell you what means
01:20
something to a guy
01:21
trying
01:23
that means something to a guy when he
01:25
feels that you’re not even trying to
01:26
contribute that’s when he feels used
01:29
because any guy who’s really confident
01:32
and self-respecting if the woman never
01:35
is even trying to contribute
01:37
he feels
01:39
like uh he’s being taken advantage of
01:42
and it has nothing to do with money
01:46
it has to do with the lack of gesture
01:48
gestures matter it doesn’t matter if he
01:51
bought the movie and dinner that night
01:54
you just getting the popcorn or whatever
01:56
the equivalent is on the date you’re on
01:59
says to him firstly i don’t take you for
02:01
granted and secondly i’m sending you a
02:04
subtle message that i am a team player
02:08
number three get excited about the
02:11
little things being cool isn’t about
02:13
indifference
02:15
it’s not about showing up with a
02:17
been there done that attitude i’ve done
02:19
it all before nothing impresses me cool
02:22
is passion call is getting excited and
02:25
about the little stuff it doesn’t even
02:27
have to be the big stuff it could be the
02:29
place that he took you to it could be
02:31
the meal that you’re eating and there’s
02:32
something on the menu you’re really
02:33
excited about it could just be a great
02:35
cup of coffee
02:36
whatever it is getting excited about it
02:39
sends a message to the person you’re
02:41
with
02:42
i
02:43
am a fun person to do life with i know
02:47
that any time i’ve been with somebody
02:49
who gets excited about things i start
02:50
thinking of the long list of things that
02:53
i want to do with them next because i
02:55
can’t wait to experience their reaction
02:58
to it
02:59
make your reaction to things something
03:01
somebody wants to experience number four
03:05
be a grown-up and pick up the phone so
03:08
annoying waiting for people to text back
03:10
i wish someone would invent an app that
03:13
actually allowed you to
03:14
speak in real time
03:17
oh wait
03:19
alexander graham bell already did now i
03:22
know
03:23
that already people are probably
03:25
seething hearing this message because
03:26
you’re saying
03:28
the problem is with men
03:30
they’re the ones who don’t pick up the
03:32
phone anymore they’re the ones who
03:34
always text who don’t bother with the
03:37
old-school ways of talking to this i say
03:40
to you lead by example i’m not saying
03:43
you’re the one who should call the guy
03:44
all the time but what i am saying is the
03:47
first call you make to a guy sets a
03:50
precedent it sets a standard it lets him
03:53
know that you are an adult and if he
03:56
wants to date you he’s going to have to
03:58
have an adult relationship with you so
04:01
when you want to invite him to something
04:03
let’s say you’ve been on two dates and
04:05
on the third date you want to invite him
04:07
to something pick up the phone and
04:09
invite him let’s say that you’re on your
04:10
way home from work and you’re walking
04:12
and you have five minutes to spare
04:14
pick up the phone and say hi to him that
04:17
moment where you speak to him on the
04:19
phone
04:20
tells him the standard you expect from
04:22
him in return and it also gives him a
04:25
license to call you because many guys
04:28
don’t even know that they can or they
04:30
should when you call him it tells him
04:33
it’s also okay for you to call me
04:42
in this video i’m going to give you
04:43
three specific text messages that get
04:46
the guy you want to pursue you i’ve been
04:49
helping women attract the men they want
04:50
for nearly 10 years now and there is a
04:52
question that has always come up but
04:54
it’s getting worse women saying why
04:57
don’t men try anymore they don’t take me
04:59
on real dates they don’t seem to
05:01
actually caught me they don’t go through
05:03
the stages of attraction where they
05:05
really invest it’s like they want a fast
05:07
food dating diet they want to just text
05:10
me and for me to come over we want men
05:13
to try again
05:14
well i have a fundamental belief
05:16
that the women today who get the best
05:19
men and not just the best men but the
05:20
best behavior from those men
05:23
have two things on their side
05:26
one
05:27
they have standards that are higher than
05:29
everybody else people think that if you
05:31
have standards you’re going to scare
05:32
people off it’s the opposite standards
05:35
make you attractive but they don’t just
05:37
have standards they have the ability to
05:39
communicate those standards to a man in
05:41
an attractive way
05:43
that’s the real skill having standards
05:45
is confidence
05:47
knowing how to communicate them is
05:49
competence the food industry has a term
05:52
a term called the bliss point the bliss
05:54
point is the optimal level of salty and
05:56
sweet in a food that keeps you wanting
05:58
more of it and they’re trying to achieve
06:00
this all the time so think nutella think
06:03
peanut butter kettle corn what’s the
06:06
bliss point that means even though
06:07
you’re getting full you’re not satiated
06:10
you keep wanting more of that food well
06:12
i believe that there is a bliss point to
06:14
communication an optimal level of salty
06:17
and sweet that keeps you wanting more of
06:19
a person
06:20
so if you achieve the bliss point in
06:22
your communication with men a man can
06:24
become addicted to you he won’t be able
06:26
to put you down i’m about to give you
06:28
three scenarios that i know you’ve found
06:30
yourself in before
06:32
and the bliss point response to each one
06:35
the first scenario is the date
06:36
deliberator text
06:38
this is the guy who’s indecisive about
06:41
what you guys are going to do on a date
06:42
tonight so he sends something like
06:45
so what are we doing tonight to which
06:47
your internal response is
06:50
you decide man it’s your job to figure
06:53
out a plan
06:54
just freaking pick something but you
06:57
don’t want to come across aggressive in
06:59
this moment because he hasn’t done
07:00
anything really wrong so instead here’s
07:03
the bliss point response as much as i
07:06
love planning i think it would be more
07:08
fun if you decide
07:10
winky face you see what you’re doing
07:12
there you’re simultaneously saying i
07:14
don’t expect you to plan things forever
07:16
but right now at this early stage it
07:19
would be fun
07:21
if you took the initiative scenario 2
07:24
the homebody text he sends there’s a
07:26
cool bar in my part of town for tonight
07:29
now you know that the last time you went
07:31
on a date you came to his part of town
07:33
so somewhere inside you feel like he
07:36
should be the one making the effort to
07:38
come to you or at least meet halfway now
07:40
once again he hasn’t done anything
07:42
drastically wrong but you’d like to use
07:45
this moment to educate him on trying a
07:48
little harder so instead of bottling up
07:50
your feelings and going to his part of
07:51
town anyway or getting overly serious
07:54
about communicating this to him you put
07:57
together this bliss point message jeez
08:00
are you always this lazy it’s your turn
08:02
to come to me
08:04
kissy face
08:05
what this shows is that you can call
08:07
someone out directly for their behavior
08:09
but you can do it in a playful and
08:11
affectionate way which brings us to
08:13
scenario number three
08:15
the day of disappearance this is when
08:18
you have plans with a guy to see him for
08:20
a date but on the day of the day it’s
08:22
getting past the point where it’s
08:25
acceptable for him to have not given you
08:27
the details yet so maybe it’s one
08:29
o’clock in the afternoon you said you’d
08:30
see each other tonight and he still
08:32
hasn’t sent you anything and maybe it’s
08:34
not because he’s a bad guy maybe it’s
08:36
because he’s been super busy or maybe
08:37
he’s out right now but it’s still not
08:40
really okay
08:41
so you can either be passive and just
08:43
wait until he texts you or you can
08:45
construct this bliss point message hey
08:48
you should i assume we’re not on for
08:50
tonight i haven’t heard from you and i
08:52
have other things i’d like to do if not
08:54
once again the beauty of this is that it
08:57
addresses him in a kind way at the same
09:00
time as being really high standards with
09:03
your time you’re showing him that if he
09:05
doesn’t up his communication you’re
09:07
gonna find something else to do now why
09:09
do people hesitate before sending these
09:12
messages because we are afraid that if
09:15
we have a standard with someone they
09:18
will not see us
09:19
that we might lose out on that
09:21
opportunity to spend time with them
09:22
tonight so let me be brutally honest
09:24
with you
09:25
these messages won’t increase your
09:28
chances of seeing the guy you want
09:30
tonight but they will radically increase
09:33
your chances of him wanting you tomorrow
09:36
see bliss point communication isn’t
09:38
about short-term gains
09:40
it’s about long-term attraction
09:43
and if you are about creating genuine
09:46
deep attraction that makes a guy want
09:48
you not tonight but tomorrow next week
09:51
next month next year
09:53
that’s about having the right standard
09:55
and knowing how to communicate it the
09:57
beauty of what we’ve been talking about
09:59
today is this
10:00
communicating your standards and
10:02
creating attraction are actually the
10:05
same thing
10:12
so
10:14
you had sex with him now many people
10:16
think that once a man has sex with a
10:18
woman she gives up her power and he
10:20
begins to lose interest but i don’t
10:22
think your power
10:23
is in having sex with a man your power
10:26
is in what you do afterwards so in this
10:29
video i’m going to talk you through
10:31
three things that not only allow you to
10:33
maintain your power but actually make
10:35
him want you more
10:37
after the fact number one
10:40
don’t
10:41
be
10:42
weird many people after waking up having
10:45
slept with someone an intimate act then
10:48
all of a sudden start behaving really
10:50
awkwardly like the few hours of sleep in
10:53
between drove this giant wedge between
10:56
them and now instead of being warm and
10:59
affectionate they’re kind of cold and
11:02
neurotic they’re worried about their
11:03
hair or their breath they’re scrambling
11:06
for their clothes trying to make sure
11:07
that that person who’s just slept with
11:10
them doesn’t see their naked body it’s a
11:13
shame
11:14
because actually if we were calm and in
11:16
a good state and happy and positive and
11:19
just had a playful vibe with that person
11:21
in the morning they’d see us as much
11:24
more confident and in control so
11:27
in the morning here’s what you do
11:29
you give a little deadline you say to
11:31
him i have to go soon i have so much to
11:33
do today and then you give him a big
11:35
cuddle because then when you’re cuddling
11:37
up to him he’s not thinking is this
11:39
person going to be here forever is this
11:41
going to be awkward trying to figure out
11:42
when i or she leaves you’ve already put
11:45
that marker in his mind then you can
11:47
just enjoy the affection and when you
11:49
leave give him a nice affectionate kiss
11:51
all of this by the way is presuming you
11:52
actually like the guy if this guy is
11:54
someone you actually like
11:56
give him a nice affectionate kiss it’s
11:59
what you should do after you’ve just
12:01
slept with someone and then leave and go
12:03
about your busy day step number two
12:06
later that day send a killer text
12:11
i’m going to read you this text
12:13
and then i’m going to tell you why it
12:15
contains everything you need to say i
12:18
had a great time with you last night
12:20
good luck with your meeting today then a
12:22
little kissy face why does this do what
12:24
you need it to do first you’re saying i
12:27
had a great time with you last night a
12:29
small act of vulnerability and
12:32
femininity it’s a moment where you can
12:34
be candid with him too many people play
12:38
it too cool for school like they don’t
12:40
care and in the process they dehumanize
12:42
the whole thing the act of intimacy
12:44
they’ve just had with a person then when
12:46
you say good luck in your meeting today
12:48
with a little kiss it’s a moment where
12:51
it’s personal you’re saying something
12:52
that relates to something you’ve said if
12:54
you know he’s doing something fun today
12:55
you could say have fun doing xyz today
12:58
whatever it is take a moment to
13:00
acknowledge something that’s going on in
13:02
his day the problem with the way so many
13:04
people approach what they do after
13:05
intimacy is they either get too
13:07
vulnerable and too close to somebody
13:10
where all of a sudden it’s now like they
13:11
expect the relationship to have moved 10
13:14
steps forward for having slept with them
13:16
or they go too casual to the point where
13:19
it seems like it didn’t mean anything to
13:21
them that they slept together last night
13:22
we want to strike that balance of being
13:25
somewhere in between the two just a
13:27
little footnote to add here the worst
13:29
thing a person can do is text the person
13:31
saying oh my god i can’t believe we did
13:33
that last night or i was so drunk last
13:35
night or in any way making excuses for
13:38
the fact that they slept together or
13:39
insinuating regret if we slept with
13:42
someone
13:43
own it especially if you like the person
13:46
own it with no regrets and they’ll see
13:48
you as more sexy and confident as a
13:50
result step three do not settle for the
13:52
netflix and chill follow up now he may
13:55
text you a couple of days later saying
13:57
hey do you want to come over and watch a
13:58
movie with me later now that doesn’t
14:00
make him a bad guy it just makes him a
14:01
guy he’s going for the easy path and he
14:04
wants to have sex with you again who can
14:06
blame him he’s only human but you want
14:08
more so what do you say
14:11
you send him this message back i’d love
14:13
to see you again but i really want to
14:14
get to know you better and i feel like i
14:16
know where coming to your place ends up
14:18
wink
14:20
how about we go for dinner now the
14:21
beauty of this message is it shows you
14:23
want to see him again
14:25
but it resets the expectation it takes
14:28
away the entitlement see look you two
14:31
had sex that doesn’t mean that he’s
14:34
entitled to sex again with you and it
14:36
doesn’t mean that you’re entitled to
14:38
more investment from him
14:40
but the distinction is
14:42
if he does want to see you again it has
14:46
to be for more than a physical
14:47
connection it has to be to build a real
14:50
connection that takes time and
14:53
investment and you wouldn’t expect any
14:55
less if he doesn’t want to put in that
14:57
time and investment that’s okay you have
14:59
your answer about how much he likes you
15:01
but you won’t accept
15:03
less
15:10
look truth is most people who watch this
15:12
channel want a relationship
15:14
relationships
15:15
yes dating
15:17
i don’t want that right that’s most
15:19
people’s approach to this is please
15:21
anything but dating i want a
15:24
relationship though so how do you manage
15:26
your energy so that the dating process
15:28
the part that you need to do to get to a
15:31
relationship doesn’t burn you out before
15:33
you ever get one here are five ways to
15:35
manage your energy in the process number
15:37
one be wary of projecting your hopes and
15:41
dreams onto the person you’re on a date
15:45
with so many people start dating
15:47
somebody they get over excited about
15:49
that person they get excited about the
15:50
projection of them not the real them how
15:53
could they they barely know this person
15:55
and all of a sudden the stakes become
15:56
very high it becomes because it becomes
15:58
very important that this goes well
16:01
because after all this is the right
16:03
person you’re projecting your hopes your
16:07
dreams onto the person in front of you
16:09
they are a blank canvas on which to put
16:11
everything you’ve always wanted in your
16:13
love life
16:14
when the stakes go up like that so does
16:16
your adrenaline your energy starts to
16:19
spike as you give more and more to this
16:21
person even if you don’t show it to this
16:23
person just the anxiety
16:26
that comes with having made them so
16:28
important burns energy
16:30
remember this getting to know someone
16:33
knowing if they’re truly right for you
16:34
is a slow
16:37
process it happens through
16:40
the accretion of moments and experiences
16:43
with this person that tell you bit by
16:45
bit there’s someone you could actually
16:47
construct a relationship with it’s not
16:50
something that happens overnight so
16:52
relax
16:53
if you’re early in the process right now
16:56
there’s not really anything for you to
16:58
lose number two
17:00
the second way to manage your energy is
17:02
to not give all of yourself immediately
17:06
we do this in one of two ways we either
17:08
give someone the absolute best of us
17:11
or we give someone the worst of us both
17:14
are too much energy for where we’re at
17:17
in the process in early dating now
17:19
giving someone the worst of us would
17:21
mean showing them all of our
17:22
insecurities talking about our angry
17:25
feelings towards our ex about our last
17:27
breakup talking about the intimacy
17:29
issues we have from something that’s
17:31
happened to us in our life essentially
17:34
taking all of the difficult things in
17:35
our life or all of the struggles we’re
17:38
currently having and placing them in
17:39
front of the other person at an
17:41
inappropriate stage now giving the best
17:44
of us is doing things for this person
17:46
right now showing parts of us giving an
17:49
amount of energy that is unearned it
17:52
could be clearing our schedule for
17:54
someone who has really not earned it at
17:55
this stage it could be going out of our
17:58
way to give them the greatest date ever
18:00
when really we should just be in a stage
18:02
of getting to know them a little better
18:04
it could be that they told us of a
18:06
certain baked good that they really like
18:10
and you show up with the box of them on
18:12
the next date someone said to me once
18:14
matthew just because you can cook a
18:16
five-star gourmet meal it doesn’t mean
18:19
you should do it for every person who
18:21
knocks on the door of your house someone
18:23
shouldn’t get the best or the worst of
18:25
you immediately they should get the
18:27
appropriate amount for the stage you’re
18:30
in do this and you’ll have more energy
18:32
to give to the right person in the right
18:34
situation when it shows itself to be
18:37
that number three don’t give more than
18:40
they are mirror the amount of investment
18:44
you are getting from this person
18:47
now that doesn’t mean
18:49
that
18:50
every once in a while you can’t step out
18:53
of the dynamic that you’ve created with
18:55
this person to lead for a moment to show
18:59
a little bit more energy or investment
19:01
to see how they respond to that that’s
19:04
okay if no one ever did that things
19:06
would never move forward so at some
19:08
point somebody’s got to bravely step out
19:10
of the current dynamic however
19:13
when you do that
19:15
you have to actually watch to see if
19:18
that is mirrored back at you for example
19:21
if you texted someone in the morning
19:22
saying good morning how are you and
19:25
that’s not something either of you are
19:26
accustomed to doing for each other
19:29
wait and see how this person responds
19:32
the next day don’t send the same message
19:35
because otherwise you’re now in a
19:36
dynamic of doing that every day you’re
19:37
continuing to invest every day without
19:40
seeing if they’re willing to do the same
19:41
if they ever take the lead let them come
19:44
to you in equal amounts number four
19:48
don’t make them a priority before
19:51
they’ve done the same for you you have
19:53
to start prioritizing each other equally
19:56
if someone doesn’t talk to you for a
19:58
couple of weeks and then out of nowhere
20:00
wants to see you in three hours hey what
20:02
are you doing this evening do you want
20:03
to come and do this that’s something you
20:05
should be inherently suspicious of
20:08
there’s nothing wrong by the way with
20:09
accepting a spontaneous date nothing
20:11
wrong at all
20:13
from someone who has a history and a
20:15
record of trying with you from someone
20:18
who’s been investing then it just
20:20
becomes something fun and romantic and
20:22
spontaneous but when someone who hasn’t
20:24
been trying all of a sudden
20:27
texts us and wants us to make them a
20:30
priority out of nowhere this calls for
20:32
something very different
20:34
it doesn’t mean completely ignoring
20:36
because ignoring someone doesn’t
20:37
communicate our standards what it means
20:40
is
20:41
responding with something that elegantly
20:43
communicates that this isn’t enough for
20:46
you number five to not reach out any
20:50
time you’re craving attention we have to
20:53
make a clear distinction anytime we’re
20:56
reaching out to someone
20:57
am i reaching out right now in a way
20:59
that’s organic because i really have
21:01
something to say or share some value to
21:04
add to this person’s day
21:07
or am i reaching out simply because my
21:10
ego my insecurity
21:14
is
21:14
craving attention if the answer is the
21:18
latter that’s a moment to stop
21:21
and divert your energy to something more
21:24
productive in your day something that’s
21:26
actually going to move forward with that
21:28
energy because this relationship will
21:30
not move forward with that energy
21:33
and
21:34
we have to understand and this is just
21:37
understanding the ego understanding our
21:39
own self-esteem
21:41
that is a bottomless well that need for
21:44
attention will never be satiated so even
21:47
if you do get a response from that
21:49
person right now in this moment three
21:51
hours from now you’ll be feeling the
21:53
same thing again because reassurance
21:55
doesn’t last what we need to do in that
21:57
moment is take that energy and pour it
21:59
into something that’s actually going to
22:01
make our lives richer that’s going to
22:03
make us stronger and it’s going to
22:05
create a more confident us to bring back
22:08
to the person that we want to attract
22:11
don’t give energy because you’re craving
22:13
attention give energy for real
22:15
connection now if you want to know how
22:17
to give energy in a way that creates
22:19
real connection adds value continues to
22:23
build what you have with someone in a
22:25
way that leads to a relationship i talk
22:27
about all of that in my program how to
22:29
talk to men you don’t even need to buy
22:31
that program today because i’m going to
22:32
give you a free chapter just so you can
22:34
try it out
22:35
you can go and download that chapter for
22:37
free at get the free chapter dot com i
22:41
hope you enjoyed this video i
22:44
feel like this is really important so
22:46
much of our energy is wasted in dating
22:48
and we don’t have unlimited energy
22:51
when we burn it on the wrong people it
22:53
can leave us utterly depleted when
22:55
people tell me i need to take a break or
22:57
when people tell me i’m just exhausted
23:00
that’s real
23:02
that’s real
23:03
we can get utterly burnt out when you’ve
23:06
just been dating someone for months or
23:08
years giving them your best energy and
23:10
they’ve just become a vacuum
23:13
for the best parts of you and they’ve
23:15
not been replenishing the wealth for you
23:18
you can come out of that feeling
23:19
completely taxed and exasperated and
23:22
burnt out in a way that makes you not
23:23
want to go anywhere near the dating
23:25
process for a while we have to protect
23:27
ourselves from ever getting to that
23:29
place and that’s the point of this video
23:32
manage your energy because you don’t
23:34
have unlimited energy and when you meet
23:36
the right person or the person who has
23:39
the potential to be the right person in
23:41
the right relationship
23:42
we want to have our best energy to give
23:44
at that point do you want to change your
23:46
life
23:47
go to this video now immediately the
23:50
most attractive people in life are not
23:53
the ones who are perfect my essence was
23:55
already doing the work over here
23:58
all i needed to do was show more of it
23:59
we are the greatest asset we’ll ever
24:01
ever own we’re also the only asset we’ll
24:03
always own
—
This post was previously published on YouTube.
***
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The post Do This To Get Him Hooked in the Early Stages of Dating [Video] appeared first on The Good Men Project.