When Did You Realize Your Casual Relationship Is Going Nowhere?

We use sex as a coping mechanism to deal with the trauma caused by relationship failure.

It really hurts when your partner is not completely emotionally attached.

Casual dating can make a woman feel like a sexual object. You feel ashamed and humiliated. You feel as if you can’t own up to your feeling in an intimate relationship.

Ask people who date casually, and they will give you all sorts of different reasons for their choice.

Someone who recently got out of long-term serious relationship may decide to date casually because they just do not want anything heavy right after coming out of a romantic relationship.

Casual dating means you aren’t looking for a long-term, committed relationship, but you still enjoy the person’s company for the time you are together.

You carve the feeling of intimacy, the desire to be wanted and adored, yet you can’t express your feelings because it’s against casual dating rules.

The hook-up culture conditions us to expect the bare minimum in a relationship. You can’t expect to have two nights a week. You are not allowed to stay over the night, and you do, you are expected to leave by 6.am.

You cannot expect your date to be loyal to you or burden you with their personal problems.

Casual sex culture is supposed to be separate from any emotional intimacy. Any kind of emotional entanglement is forbidden from the casual sex culture.

And if you end up getting emotionally attached, you bear the consequences alone because you are perfectly aware of the rules of the game.

The problem is most people who date casually often find it difficult to separate their emotions from sex.

They become emotionally attached after sex, even if it was a one-night stand, because the chemical concoction released during sex creates feelings of security, trust, and ownership.

They begin to feel jealous and insecure when they develop an attraction to their partner.

At this point, you want your date to get more emotionally involved. And if they don’t, you feel heartbroken, abandoned, and rejected.

Signs your casual date is not ready to be serious

Men are more in control of their emotions than women. They can have sex with multiple women and feel nothing for them because they have a biological advantage to be emotionally detached.

Women, on the other are naturally structured to feel emotionally bonded to their partners.

That’s why she can easily connect a pre-existing expectation to a date she barely knows if there are some qualities she finds attractive in them.

Because of the traumatic pain, most people go through from casual dating; you can identify the early warning signs of attachment and disconnect yourself from that person.

When you feel you’re getting emotionally committed to your date, these signs can help you break the entanglement early and avoid heartaches.

“I like you and care about you, I just need time to think”

When you like someone, you will feel empty and lonely when they are not around. This is why the beginning of every intimate relationship feels intense and intoxicating.

But when your date says he needs space, it’s probably because he’s not ready to commit his time and feelings to you.

Instead of waiting for him to come around, see this as a sign to move on. If a hook-up has the potential for something more, this one doesn’t.

“I don’t like when you hold me this way. It feels awkward”

Emotional attachment can be a turn-off for some people. And most times, it’s because some people did not receive affection from their parents when they were little.

However, as adults, when we like someone, we show them by our actions. Hugging, kissing, flirting are a few ways we express attraction.

If your date feels awkward when you walk them to the door and kiss them goodbye, it’s a sign that you might be moving too fast.

Someone who wants more than just sex with you will be happy with your fondling gestures. If he can’t stand close physical contact with you, he is emotionally detached and won’t commit to you.

“Your said ‘I love you’ and he responded with a smile”

We often feel the need to reciprocate gestures, favors, and affection. It’s difficult for us not to return feelings of attraction except we are not like that person.

Casual dates expect us to be emotionally numb. But when our hearts want something, we communicate how we feel by saying, “I love you.”

If your date doesn’t return the same confession, you shouldn’t hold it against him. It simply means he’s not in the same place as you.

If he feels even a tiny bit of attraction for you, he would be flattered and excited by your confession and return the same words.

“My parents are not hospitable. I’ll try and see what we can do”

Some cultures see it as a big step in the relationship when you introduce your dates to your parents.

The parents will start making assumptions and expect marriage to be next on the table. So to avoid being out on the pedestal, some people avoid family introduction.

But does this apply to people who genuinely love you? Nope. This one is playing the ‘my parents’ card.

If you’ve mentioned meeting each other’s parents or siblings or relatives and your partner makes up excuses, take it that he isn’t ready to move your affair to something serious.

When someone wants a committed emotional partnership, they will be anxious to meet your family and for you to meet theirs.

They won’t care about the pace in the relationship before introducing you to their friends and family.

“I don’t know what’s going on. I’m confused”

So you’ve been seeing this guy for a month or two now, and you two seem happy together.

You even went on a trip together. You bonded and got to know each other better. You feel closer than ever.

Everything was looking great. When you asked how he felt about you, he responded with, “I don’t know. I’m confused.”

From where I stand, that confusion means he likes you, but he also likes someone else. Or he likes you but sees you expect him to give more than he can afford to bring into the relationship.

As logical and understandable as he’s reasons are, the best thing for you is to exit yourself from his complication.

Moving forward with such a person will often result in a short and miserable relationship.

If a guy can’t decide if he wants more commitment from you after two sex, then he will never be ready for anything serious with you.

“I think we should take things slow”

Well, this one is a no-brainer. Some people like to have their space, and spending too much time with a person can make you feel suffocated.

If you see each other once a week and feel you are moving too fast, what else are you waiting for?

It doesn’t matter how nice he is, but when a guy thinks you are getting too attached, he will use this card to throw you off.

I think it’s selfish when people try to put a pause on your feelings. This might sound hypothetical, but I use this card when I don’t like a person but don’t want to get rid of them yet.

Casual dates are for fun. When a guy is getting plenty of that fun from you but isn’t ready for a commitment, he will suggest you slow down your pace so he can get his fill while keeping you unavailable.

Parting thoughts

Hook-up culture reinforces our perception of “zero emotional” attachment. This does not mean we can’t enjoy the pleasure of casual sex.

Sex makes us feel connected to our partners, but our emotions can be controlled and trained to feel or not feel.

If someone doesn’t feel the way you do, that doesn’t make them horrible people. Those who desire emotional connection always know they expect more before having sex with someone.

You shouldn’t feel hurt if your casual sex partner doesn’t feel the same connection with you. If anything, you should be grateful they saved you from psychological distress.

You’ve done your part to express your feelings, so you shouldn’t feel guilty or embarrassed for being yourself.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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